BLOG

Often, when a client comes in and asks, “What’s wrong with me, why can’t I find someone to settle down with?” I often find myself asking, “What have you tried so far?” to which they usually reply with a whole list of activities that have not lead to any meaningful relationship but rather a series of false starts. It can be disheartening out there in the dating world as not everyone has the same intentions as you. However, if your selection process is faulty, you’re really going to struggle to meet someone who expands who you are, no matter how many activities you engage in.  

Defining what you’re really looking for

When thinking about what you’re looking for in a partner the obvious characteristics are most likely there, like attractive, kind, reliable, intelligent and funny. Those are relatively easy things for someone to achieve in the early days of dating. 

When you’re imagining who you would...

So often I find myself explaining to clients that the first step in overcoming their hurt or disappointment is accepting the situation, and their part in how they got there. And for many that is the hardest part of their transformation because self-acceptance requires you to recognize your imperfections and accept them for what they are. Rather than condemning yourself, blaming others or focusing on what they need to fix, a more effective strategy is adopting self-acceptance. 

Without self-acceptance, it is very difficult to create lasting change or progress through your painful situation. Afterall you can only control yourself and your responses. Everything else is a lottery. 

Reading this, you may be thinking of course I accept myself! It might all seem like a no-brainer to you. But what happens when you reflect on this question, "Do I accept myself?" it might feel odd, it may even not sit well with you as you hear yourself say it. After all, what does...

As we near the end of the financial year, it is customary to plan to celebrate the last financial year with colleagues, and for good reason. Celebrations enable you to take stock, acknowledge your contribution and it provides you with hope for the future. It shows appreciation and provides an opportunity for connection. If you thrive on busyness and struggle to stop to celebrate your own wins or your team’s wins, you’re missing out on a key resilience building activity.

Resilience is necessary for success. Resilience is your ability to recover in the face of failure and keep going and celebrations of progress are important contributors to the building blocks of resilience.

How celebrations contribute to resilience

1. Celebrations signal a completion. Completions provide you with an opportunity to close off an experience. It provides you with the opportunity to own your part in it and it provides closure. Without it, it makes harnessing forward...

 There is enough to stress about in life without adding the stress of regret. Regret is a normal emotional experience which arises when you are dissatisfied with an outcome, when you perceive that a better outcome was available to you. Another way of considering regret is that it is a painful emotion, accompanied by actual or contemplated violation of internal values and rules in any given situation. Regret is also known as self-blame regret, which describes where the emotion is directed, towards the self.  

Believe it or not, research shows that the negative influence of regret is far greater than that of anxiety in terms of its impact on a person’s mental health.

Increased levels of self-blame regret is linked to higher levels of depression.

In my practice I see a lot of conscientious adults who blame themselves for not making better decisions, behaving better or blaming themselves for not feeling more content because they have achieved...

You may not think much about waking up during the night, however if it becomes a regular occurrence, e.g. 4 out of 7 nights for a couple of weeks, then you may want to investigate it further. If normal sleep doesn't return after a week then you are starting to embed a new sleep pattern which could lead to unhealthy consequences. 

What is Workplace PTSD?

PTSD, the acronym for ‘post-traumatic stress disorder’ is most commonly associated with war veterans and jobs that encounter a lot of distress or trauma. PTSD is used to describe the lingering physical and emotional after effects of a shocking, destabilizing event. However, since the term was invented our understanding of trauma has grown. We now know that this a human response to an uncommon experience/s, and it is not a sign of weakness, rather an adaptive response to a traumatic experience or series of traumatic experiences.

Trauma is an umbrella term and includes one-time, multiple, or long-lasting...

Everyone has their own ‘go-to’ strategies for maintaining healthy mental health however when we experience sustained stress, those strategies may no longer be enough. Even the most disciplined, may struggle and, need to consider additional strategies to maintain their overall wellbeing.

As a psychotherapist I speak to a number of people every day who are surprised when they hear their strategies for resilience may have been tapped out by their lifestyle. In some ways it’s a relief, and in other ways it’s a realisation that given their current situation they need more strategies to sustain themselves, which could mean mean it needs more time too. Sometimes.

Signs that your coping strategies need upgrading

You know your own body and mind best however sometimes we miss the signs because were so busy trying to get something done. If you have noticed a change in any of the below for the worse, that’s a sign for you:  

• Constantly feeling...

If you are constantly feeling depleted yet eating and exercising, it may be time to consider self-acceptance as an energy management strategy.

Our energy comes from four domains: physical; emotional, mental and spiritual and there are specific activities that fuel each domain. In some instances, there are particular activities that span across more than one domain and acceptance is one of them.

Acceptance is the opposite of resistance. To practice acceptance means to acknowledge how you are experiencing the myriad of experiences that make up your day/life and to be okay with the emotions you are feeling.

1. Acceptance does not mean liking, wanting, choosing, or supporting. When we get upset, we can choose to accept the situation, or we can ‘stew on it’ and wish it was better. By stewing on it, we allow that upset-ness (sadness anger, frustration) to control us and lock up energy that we could otherwise be deploying elsewhere more productively.

 ...