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When conflict isn’t bullying but a difference of opinion

Successful people have learned how to handle conflict in the workplace. They deal with it like any other situation, calmly and judiciously. They see it as an opportunity to learn more about the other person and figure out how they can use the experience to progress the situation and meet their goals. Many people, however; find it hard not to react defensively or angrily. Some people even launch a counterattack and shift the blame to the critic. That approach won’t win you any friends at work nor will it help you to get ahead. 

 

Conflict is a part of work life whether you like it or not. According to recent research by Gallup, employees are more stressed, less tolerant and more demanding of others at work. Their research shows 43% of workers are stressed each day and one in four workers experience anger by another at work daily. All this making it increasingly likely that conflict is unavoidable in the workplace. In fact, conflict in the workplace has been steadily...

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Looking to change jobs? Do your due diligence or risk experiencing workplace bullying

According to statistics 9.5% of the Australian workforce changed their employer or the business they operated in the year to February 2022. This is the highest annual turnover rate since 2012, and it represents a 7.5% increase compared to February 2021. This is what the great resignation was referring to. We all knew that coming out of Covid it would be tough for a whole host of reasons; keeping and finding good employees is one of those reasons. I’ve heard stories of people being offered a financial incentive to stay in their current role and I’ve also heard about people who have moved jobs for a substantial increase in take-home money. Perhaps you were one of them? As we see workplaces returning to business as usual, there is also a pressure on recruiting staff and headcount and it’s having a disastrous impact on mental health.

 

Increasingly I am starting to see capable, confident, conscientious employees seek out counselling for workplace bullying. They...

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Co-dependence will set you back, no matter the area of life

It’s hard to know the prevalence of co-dependent relationships as it is not exclusively found in romantic relationships or where there is addiction. It can occur wherever there is a relational dynamic, i.e., at work, in friendships, romantic relationships, and family relationships.

 

What is co-dependency?

Co-dependency is a dysfunctional relationship dynamic where one person assumes the role of “the giver,” sacrificing their own needs and wants for the sake of the other, “the taker". I often explain it to clients as the experience of “I’m ok if you’re ok”. This explanation is often easier for clients to hear as the idea that they could be co-dependent is often a shocking prospect because that isn't how they've interpreted it.

 

Often co-dependency gets mistakenly labeled as kindness however if the intention is for harmony and keeping the peace, it’s more about co-dependence. 

 

How does co-dependence...

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Fierce independence could be blocking your efforts to connect with others (both in and outside of work)

In my practice I often see clients who are struggling along the interdependent - independent continuum. Often, they’re over-collaborative with little independence (co-dependent) or they’re perceived as insensitive by exercising too much independence (fierce independence). It’s a continual struggle for them to find the right mix of asserting their needs and being mindful of the needs of others (interdependence). Both approaches of co-dependence and fierce independence have drawbacks. 

 

Not asserting your needs or dismissing them in favour of what someone else wants only leads to resentment and regrets later down the track; and asserting your needs at the expense of others can leave you feeling exhausted, lonely, and distrustful of others. Neither strategy produces fulfilling personal or professional relationships. 

 

Take Julia* who is a professional woman in her 30s. She has a lot to be proud of. She’s smart, got a job, has supportive...

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Quiet quitting is the quickest way to erode your mental health

What is quiet quitting?

Quiet quitting, while there is no universal definition for it, is understood to be fulfilling the requirements of the role and not going above and beyond. It is an intentional choice. In performance management terms it’s ‘meeting expectations, just.’ So, you are carrying out the tasks outlined in your job description during expected working hours and you’re being protective of your non-work time and energy. 

 

Here are some of the top signs you are engaging in quiet quitting behaviours:

  • Doing the bare minimum to prevent being asked to leave or get performance managed
  • Leaving the office by 6pm and leaving work to be completed the next day 
  • Not working overtime even if your role might require it 
  • Lack of interest in taking on tasks or responsibilities that are not included in your position description
  • Lack of willingness to go above and beyond or do more in an effort to get recognised or promoted. 

 

Quiet...

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Quitting your job doesn’t have to be a bad thing

career quitting resilience Aug 22, 2022

We live in a world where being known as a quitter is nothing to be proud of. Tenure is often rewarded with envy and valued as part of an accomplished lifestyle. Staying the course is often held up as a symbol of success and as exhausting as it may be, it’s always perceived more favorably to be grinding for what you want rather than intentionally guarding your time and resources. 

 

Quitters never win and winners never quit, right? 

 

No doubt you have come across the quote designed to keep you motivated and reaching for your career goals - quitters never win, and winners never quit. It’s an important message and it is designed to remind you; hard work does pay off. Over 800 million dollars were spent on self-help books last year, many of which taught tips, tricks, and tactics for digging deep and never giving up. While it’s very important to stick with things and see them through, the message to never quit need not be everyone's. While you do...

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How to overcome distractions at work when you really need to focus

The average full-time worker loses more than 50 hours every month due to workplace distractions and that’s not even considering distractions outside of work. This is a lot! If you think that’s not you, then maybe this will resonate, the average person gets interrupted every 8 minutes at work, which can be up to 60 times a day depending on your hours. 

 

Allowing yourself to be distracted when you’re trying to focus on a task is so common that most people aren’t even aware when they’re being distracted, even just a little. They’re also unaware of how much these small distractions are affecting their productivity and even worse, work quality. So, consider the small and big distractions at your work that could be affecting your productivity.  

 

What is a distraction?

A distraction in simple terms is something that prevents you from concentrating on something else. So, if you aren’t focused, you’re more than...

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Maintaining momentum as you celebrate your achievements

career goals goalsetting habit Jul 17, 2022

Beware the gap between achieving and re-focusing your energies on new goals. For every person who sets goals, there inevitably comes a time when they need to review them, tick them off and set some more goals. And I am no different. 

 

The past 3 months have been incredibly productive for me, and I have been able to tick off some big-ticket items on my goals list. However, it has also led to some inertia that has been frustrating and downright confusing. I now realise I have been basking in the glow of achievement to the extent that I have been unable to get focused again until now. Thankfully my diary has kept me going. For those who follow me, you will have noticed that I haven’t posted for 3-4 weeks and that’s because I have had what many might call ‘writer’s block’. But in truth I think it’s because I am yet to find the balance between celebrating my achievements and progressing forward. I have made the effort to knowledge my...

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Successful career + mental health diagnosis. It's possible

Are you concerned that a mental health diagnosis for you would sound the end of your career? If you are concerned that having a mental health diagnosis will negatively impact your career opportunities, you needn’t be. I have been fortunate enough to work with many successful people who have had mental health diagnoses and in my second career as a psychotherapist, I have had the privilege of supporting clients while they establish and grow their careers with a diagnosis. What these groups of people have in common is that they have accepted their diagnosis and chosen to build a career on their own terms, so they can leverage their strengths and build a sustainable career and lifestyle.  

 

A mental health diagnosis doesn’t have to define who you are or what you can contribute at work. Like many well people, you just need to find your way of working, that brings out the best in you and that supports you.

 

If you have been diagnosed with a mental...

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Prioritise your relationship with stress to succeed

anxiety career stress Apr 10, 2022

The relationship you have with yourself is the most important relationship you are ever going to have. It influences your other relationships, and it sets the tone for how you treat yourself and allow others to treat you. Your second most important relationship, if you want to do well, is how you manage stressors.

 

Stress is normal and inevitable

While stress is a normal and inevitable part of modern life, it doesn’t have to be the reason why you didn’t achieve your goals. In fact, it could be the reason why you do achieve them.

 

In my corporate career I worked with many smart people who had varying successes in the organisations I was a part of. And while they all had the same access to learning and development, few knew how to ask for help for fear of being considered soft or weak, and even less considered their relationship with stress as their biggest obstacle. Yet in my view, it was their relationship with stress that enabled them to take a broad view or...

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