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On International Women’s Day, last week, I had the opportunity to present on the Art of Work-Life Balance to a group of women located across South-East Asia. for a client. In preparation for the presentation, I tried to find a definition of work-life balance and found there isn’t a shared definition. So, I went with this one, “Work-life balance is typically defined as the amount of time you spend doing your job versus the amount of time you spend with loved ones or pursuing personal interests and hobbies.” It was curious to me that with all the discussion about work-life balance we haven’t defined it. But I suppose that is what work-life balance is about, it’s what it means for you as an individual, so why would there be a universally accepted definition because what I might consider healthy work life balance may not be it for you.

Interestingly the participants all had a pretty good idea of what work-life balance looked like it for them...

According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics, the divorce rate in Australia has been steadily declining since the mid-1980s. In 2020, the divorce rate was 2 divorces per 1,000. The average length of marriage at divorce was 12.2 years. While these statistics may not accurately reflect the full picture of the divorce landscape, as many don’t formally divorce or they may have chosen to divorce in another country, it is sobering to realise that it’s most common for couples who have been married 12+ years. 

I remember when my husband and I celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary, and we had a 6-year-old child and a 2-year-old, and we were both working full-time. Our children are now 16 and 12 respectively. It was a very busy time for us. We were focused on getting what needed to be done, done. And if you’re not careful that pattern of behaviour can continue until one day you wake up and feel like you’re living in a house share, with no intimacy or...

"The green reed which bends in the wind is stronger than the mighty oak which breaks in a storm." – Confucius

Researchers and scholars often point to this quote by Confucius as the basis for why it's necessary to be flexible to overcome challenges. The flexible reed bends and flows with the wind of adversity, allowing it to survive the challenge.  The strong, mighty oak isn't flexible, so the wind of adversity breaks it apart.  The new shoots that sprout from the old oak will be flexible enough to withstand the next storm.

We are all human and therefore failure is inevitable. For some it happens early in life and for others not until mid-life. Over the past 6 months I have worked with a number of people who were experiencing their own version of failure e.g., not being able to conceive, a relationship falling apart, and being unable to provide for a family member in the way they wanted to. 

With each of these experiences, my client felt like...

Someone once said that to move on after a relationship takes half the time you spent together. So, if you were in a one-year relationship, it’s okay if you take six months to reflect, reminisce and heal. 

Yet, that can be hard if the breakup was a surprise that you didn’t see coming. Often when a relationship comes to an end and you both agree that dissolving it is in the best interests for both of you, it is easier to accept even though it is still painful, and you may take time to heal. However, when it’s a surprise and not your choice, it can be hard to understand, accept and to move on from. For clients who are devastated by the ending of a relationship, it can take as long as it takes to process and heal from the experience.

From my observations, those who reach out for counselling to process the experience are keen to emerge from the experience stronger, they’re reluctant to make the same mistake again, and they’re keen to be...

We live in a world where being known as a quitter is nothing to be proud of. Tenure is often rewarded with envy and valued as part of an accomplished lifestyle. Staying the course is often held up as a symbol of success and as exhausting as it may be, it’s always perceived more favorably to be grinding for what you want rather than intentionally guarding your time and resources. 

Quitters never win and winners never quit, right? 

No doubt you have come across the quote designed to keep you motivated and reaching for your career goals - quitters never win, and winners never quit. It’s an important message and it is designed to remind you; hard work does pay off. Over 800 million dollars were spent on self-help books last year, many of which taught tips, tricks, and tactics for digging deep and never giving up. While it’s very important to stick with things and see them through, the message to never quit need not be everyone's. While you do...

As we near the end of the financial year, it is customary to plan to celebrate the last financial year with colleagues, and for good reason. Celebrations enable you to take stock, acknowledge your contribution and it provides you with hope for the future. It shows appreciation and provides an opportunity for connection. If you thrive on busyness and struggle to stop to celebrate your own wins or your team’s wins, you’re missing out on a key resilience building activity.

Resilience is necessary for success. Resilience is your ability to recover in the face of failure and keep going and celebrations of progress are important contributors to the building blocks of resilience.

How celebrations contribute to resilience

1. Celebrations signal a completion. Completions provide you with an opportunity to close off an experience. It provides you with the opportunity to own your part in it and it provides closure. Without it, it makes harnessing forward...

Resilience is often talked about as the solution to many psychological conditions, and it may surprise you to learn that anyone can develop resilience. It develops as a result of an attitude or mindset which we can all cultivate. 

Resilience is the ability to bounce back from setbacks. It is developing the strength to get back up after life events have leveled you to the ground. It is the reservoir you draw from in times of need that helps carry you through while keeping you from falling apart. It does not mean you develop a blind eye to existing challenges. Instead, it means you develop the strength to deal with the upcoming difficulties to the best of your abilities - often emerging stronger than before. While it seems easy in theory, in practice it takes a lot of hard work to build resilience. It is not something you become overnight, but something that you craft over a series of let downs.

This week marks a year since Australia closed its international...

You may think that developing self-discipline is about making up for limitations so that you can manage their impact more effectively. Perhaps just the thought of ‘self-discipline’ fills you with the thought of being ‘boxed in’ and ‘rigid’. These thoughts have probably been reinforced by previous attempts at changing unhelpful habits and confusing self-discipline with willpower. Willpower is about controlling thoughts and behaviour. Self-discipline is about progress and can be very empowering. Subtle, yet very different approaches.

Think back to when you managed to make a change in behaviour that was successful, how did you feel? When you overcame obstacles in your path, accomplished something, that sense of achievement leads you to believe you can do more. It can be motivating and make you feel like you can do anything.

Being able to exercise self-discipline teaches you to trust yourself and helps you to develop self-efficacy...

If you are someone that always seems to be stressed out, and constantly looking for more to add to your to-do list instead of managing well what you already have on it, then you might be an addict.

Admittedly there are two sides to the impact of stress; there’s a good side which can help you to achieve your best work, support you to learn new skills and pay attention to the details when it matters. However the other side of stress, the less helpful side, is that in large doses it can make you feel overwhelmed, miserable and erode your self-confidence. However, this less helpful side of stress is often linked to having perfectionist tendencies, not wanting to miss out and the belief that it will get better with the more you accomplish.

It’s important to recognise that it is human to take breaks and that everyone needs them.

It might seem silly to be addicted to something that can affect you so negatively however our relationship to stress is adaptive...