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Co-dependence will set you back, no matter the area of life

It’s hard to know the prevalence of co-dependent relationships as it is not exclusively found in romantic relationships or where there is addiction. It can occur wherever there is a relational dynamic, i.e., at work, in friendships, romantic relationships, and family relationships.

 

What is co-dependency?

Co-dependency is a dysfunctional relationship dynamic where one person assumes the role of “the giver,” sacrificing their own needs and wants for the sake of the other, “the taker". I often explain it to clients as the experience of “I’m ok if you’re ok”. This explanation is often easier for clients to hear as the idea that they could be co-dependent is often a shocking prospect because that isn't how they've interpreted it.

 

Often co-dependency gets mistakenly labeled as kindness however if the intention is for harmony and keeping the peace, it’s more about co-dependence. 

 

How does co-dependence...

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Quiet quitting is the quickest way to erode your mental health

What is quiet quitting?

Quiet quitting, while there is no universal definition for it, is understood to be fulfilling the requirements of the role and not going above and beyond. It is an intentional choice. In performance management terms it’s ‘meeting expectations, just.’ So, you are carrying out the tasks outlined in your job description during expected working hours and you’re being protective of your non-work time and energy. 

 

Here are some of the top signs you are engaging in quiet quitting behaviours:

  • Doing the bare minimum to prevent being asked to leave or get performance managed
  • Leaving the office by 6pm and leaving work to be completed the next day 
  • Not working overtime even if your role might require it 
  • Lack of interest in taking on tasks or responsibilities that are not included in your position description
  • Lack of willingness to go above and beyond or do more in an effort to get recognised or promoted. 

 

Quiet...

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Is workplace clutter meddling with your sleep?

I remember the days when the office health and safety officer would walk the office floor and let people know if their clutter, usually papers, were considered a trip hazard or worse. As part of the conversation, they would also be given a timeframe by when it needed to tidied up, either by shredding it, putting it away or storing it offsite.

 

Not everyone welcomed the feedback. Some quickly admitted to clutter blindness and agreed to sort it out quickly. Others took it as an affront and dragged their heels. Some even needed someone else to do it for them! Shocking you might say, however it’s not surprising given the research.

 

If you’ve been working from home for a prolonged period, you may have ignored the need to declutter until you return to work. Or perhaps you have gone back to the office and not decluttered what you left behind, before you started working from your office. If this sounds like you then you may want to reconsider your lack of...

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How to de-stress at work so you sleep better

career sleep stress wellbeing Mar 12, 2022

Work-related stress occurs when the perceived demands of your work exceed your belief that you are able and capable to meet them. It can be easy to under-estimate the impact of your daily work stress however beware as work-related stress is the second most common compensated illness/injury in Australia, after musculoskeletal disorders. You are experiencing stress when you feel frustrated, angry, nervous, or anxious. 

 

What is stress?

Stress is a physical, mental, or emotional factor that causes bodily or mental tension. Stressors can be external (from the environment, psychological, or social situations) or internal (illness, or from a medical procedure). Stress can initiate the ‘fight, flight, fawn or freeze' response leading to a change in metabolic and cardiac processes. Continuous stress without relief can result in a condition called distress—a negative stress reaction that can lead to physical symptoms such as headaches, loss of...

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Is toxic positivity stopping you from making the changes you REALLY need to make?

Do you often find yourself saying ‘It’s not that bad, it could be worse’, or you might even catch yourself saying to a friend, “I don’t like my job but at least I have one!” These are both examples of toxic positivity.

 

What is the meaning of toxic positivity?

Toxic positivity is defined as the act of rejecting or denying stress, negativity, or other negative experiences that exist (Sokal, Trudel, & Babb, 2020). It comes in two different forms;

  1. Toxic positivity you can receive from someone or give to someone, and

  2. Toxic positivity you can inflict on yourself.

 

Essentially, toxic positivity is glossing over the ‘hard stuff’ which can impact your self-esteem and erode your confidence. It has been shown people with high levels of toxic positivity are less successful, perceived to be more selfish and naïve.

 

Sincere positivity vs toxic positivity

It can sometimes be difficult to distinguish between sincere...

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5 Reasons to go to counselling unrelated to mental illness

Having successfully navigated several milestones and transitions in your life, you’re finally able to enjoy the fruits of your labour without the angst.

 

But, then, out of the blue, a trusted friend suggests counselling. You feel anger rising to your throat, there’s nothing wrong! I’m not ill. Or are you? Before you shut the conversation down, jump to conclusions, or question your friendship, take a moment to expand your perspective.

 

Why go to counselling? In my experience as a counsellor, the desire to attend counselling is often a good thing, indicating a desire to learn and grow as an individual. People reach out to counsellors for a variety of reasons, probably more than you know. If someone you trust suggests counselling, consider that it might not mean you’re helpless or that you are deficient in any way.  

 

Perhaps, it was suggested to you because they believe you would benefit from an external perspective or an...

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Time to upgrade your coping strategies?

Everyone has their own ‘go-to’ strategies for maintaining healthy mental health however when we experience sustained stress, those strategies may no longer be enough. Even the most disciplined, may struggle and, need to consider additional strategies to maintain their overall wellbeing.

 

As a psychotherapist I speak to a number of people every day who are surprised when they hear their strategies for resilience may have been tapped out by their lifestyle. In some ways it’s a relief, and in other ways it’s a realisation that given their current situation they need more strategies to sustain themselves, which could mean mean it needs more time too. Sometimes.

 

Signs that your coping strategies need upgrading

You know your own body and mind best however sometimes we miss the signs because were so busy trying to get something done. If you have noticed a change in any of the below for the worse, that’s a sign for you:  

  • Constantly feeling...
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All YOU need to know about Sleep for the holidays

holidays sleep wellbeing Dec 13, 2020

The holidays is the perfect time to focus on getting your sleep routine back on track. Depending on how much your sleep is disrupted it could take up to a week for your body to settle into its natural sleep routine.

 

Sleep occurs as a result of three interconnected processes occurring simultaneously; the opportunity for sleep, the ability to sleep and the need for sleep. When these three processes don’t overlap, we start to experience problems with our sleep. Sure, it’s normal to experience a couple of bad night’s sleep however it is important to take note of it as for some people a bad night’s sleep can become a learned habit which will then need to be unlearned at a later stage. No matter your situation, age or life stage these three processes need to intersect in order to experience restorative sleep.  

 

Opportunity for sleep

While for many this may seem obvious, i.e. we need to set aside time for sleep, it is surprising how many...

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Wellbeing is a daily activity

One of the most important gifts you can give yourself, is wellbeing. It doesn’t have to mean jet set holidays, days at the spa or a healthy meal every now again. Wellbeing is about having good mental health, high life satisfaction, and a sense of meaning or purpose. Who wouldn’t want that for themselves? And guess what? Wellbeing can be achieved through small acts that symbolize to you, that you matter.  

 

Unfortunately, we often become distracted by what life throws at us which leads us to neglect our own wellbeing. When time is limited, and we have an ever-growing to-do list we often sacrifice the time we had set outside for ourselves in order to complete our list of things to do. It’s often easier than explaining to someone why we didn’t get their ‘thing’ done for them.

 

Fortunately, there is a way that you can start to make wellness a habit and integrate it into your day whether it’s a work-day, weekend or holiday. First...

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How Sleep protects YOUR health

insomnia sleep wellbeing Nov 16, 2020

Until the 1950s, most people thought of sleep as a passive activity. We now know it is essential for our survival and wellbeing. It provides the opportunity for our body and mind to repair themselves and it is critical for maintaining good physical and mental health.

 

Sleep allows us to conserve energy, consolidate and reconsolidate memories, process information, regulate body temperature and stimulate various nerve circuits within the brain to ensure its proper functioning. The sleeping brain also helps the body’s stress response to switch off.

 

Sleep is not a luxury.

 

We’ve all suffered through days of headache, fatigue and irritability after a bad night’s sleep for whatever reason. Sure, you can make up for it with a power nap or by sleeping it off the following two nights. But when insufficient sleep becomes the norm and you’re not getting anywhere from 7 - 9 hours of quality sleep each night, then problems start developing. 

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